Because This Is My First Life

Because this is my first life, I’m still figuring out what I want to do. I don’t know when to speak or be silent, uncertain when to join conversations, and indecisive about my life’s direction—I’m struggling to find my purpose and passions. The paths of a writer, photographer, or art director all seem appealing or maybe even all three. I’m navigating life the best way I know how, and there’s no shame in that.

Yet, shame creeps in at times when I feel inadequate, comparing myself and thinking, “I’ll never be as good as them” or “they’ll never believe in me.” I’ve robbed myself of the joy of learning. But this is my first time experiencing all of this, and it’s overwhelming—constantly worrying about others’ opinions, wondering what they’d think of my choices. It’s like being trapped in someone else’s thoughts.

Then it hit me—what about my own thoughts? What if I realize at the end that I’ve lived my whole life according to others’ expectations, a puppet for their amusement?

We’ll always be “too” something for someone, never fitting neatly into every box or knowing everything from the start. Is life not continuous learning, navigating failures until they turn into our own version of success? Then what does success mean to me? Is it money, fame, or love? Maybe none of the above?

So what if I simply take life one day at a time, making each day count? Spending it in ways that fulfill my soul until I discover that thing, or several things, that truly make this life mine. Because it belongs to me entirely, and I have the freedom to decide what to do with it. So I will, regardless of who or what tries to prevent me, because this is the first and only life on this earth that I get to live and it will be full of me.